


The Astronomer's Winter Over

by eruriotica (minxiebutt)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Antarctica, Depression, Gray-Asexuality, M/M, Research, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, Touch-Starved, Touching, Winter, astronomer Levi Ackerman, biologist Erwin Smith, imposter syndrome, the rewards of being loved, winter over syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:01:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23268886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minxiebutt/pseuds/eruriotica
Summary: Levi Ackerman has never conducted research on his own, let alone in such a place as the South Pole, and beneath his excitement lies insecurity. Even though the station is cut off from the outside world, Levi finds himself far from being alone.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 131
Kudos: 178





	1. End of January - Beginning of February

**Author's Note:**

> I began developing, researching, and writing this about a month ago. It seems with everything going on, the themes in this fic are pretty ironic. anyway this first chapter is sort of an exposition dump but i hope you find something to enjoy~

Levi Ackerman gears up completely for the short walk to the telescope. This isn’t the kind of cold that allows for shortcuts or easy-way-outs; this isn’t the kind of cold to which one may simply acclimate. This is a cold that eats flesh and arrests hearts. This cold is a hungry carnivore.

Once he’s ready and has all of his wits about him, Levi tags himself out of the station and makes the journey. After an entire summer here, he’s still not used to it, and with the prospect of an uninterrupted winter, he knows he will not adjust. Every time he exits Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station, the chill knocks the air right out of him.

Back in the states, he’d considered himself reasonably fit for a grad student. Now a full-fledged doctor thriving at ninety degrees south, he feels out of breath just from a short walk.

At the telescope, he finds some relief, but he doesn’t entirely remove his gear. He’ll only be here for a pause, after all; checking on his research, making sure that all instruments are still functioning as he set them before he went to bed last night. Breakfast begins in five minutes, so this is just a quick stop in to verify that he will find no surprises when he returns in a couple hours for a proper shift. 

Finding satisfaction, Levi gears back up to face the carnivorous cold once more. 

  
  


Research that should only last a summer catches flame, bringing the embers of discovery up to steady burning; Levi applies to extend his schedule at Amundsen-Scott as soon as possible. Three days before his scheduled flight back into civilisation, the permission comes through.

Antarctica is spinning rapidly toward the twilight months when the sun neither sets nor truly rises, caught in a suspended disbelief of rich tones that  _ more than _ make up for the lack of visual diversity on the ice. However, this version of beauty is approaching an end. At the March equinox, the sun will fall below the horizon and remain there, deeper everyday, until it rises again in September. Yet, without the sun Levi will be gifted an ever-present view of the galaxy around them through the safe lenses of Earth’s atmosphere. As an astronomer, his gut twists with muted excitement for the awaited, unending night sky. Before this opportunity, he’s only been able to spend one or two weeks at a time in a location with minimal light pollution. Amundsen-Scott will be his longest stay at an unpolluted place. Amundsen-Scott will immortalise many of his firsts.

The last trip to McMurdo happens for Levi in January, a final chance for him to chicken out and fly back to the states. A winter over at the South Pole is no easy task; for many, it takes ample mental preparation for the months of cold darkness that await, especially in total physical isolation. Without planes able to land on the ice in the dark, the station is effectively cut off from the outside world until the sun safely rises in the southern spring. But Levi is not so much worried by that as he is worried by the small windows of internet connection dictated by the rise of satellites. He’s performed well under tutelage-- exceedingly well, so long as there’s been someone else to nudge him along when he needs it. But this research here is his first solo front. Worryingly, he acknowledges that he is responsible for his time management, resource management, and everything else pertaining to his ongoing study. Levi has to remind himself multiple times that he’s got a doctorate, so he’s capable enough. He can’t let the winter over spook him when it hasn’t even properly yet begun.

At first, thoughts of complete responsibility or isolation are not too frightening, but as the vigorous summer crew empties out, leaving only a skeleton that will keep the station running and inhabited over the next cruel seven months, it becomes apparent how deeply the isolation runs. The summer isn’t exactly warm, so it gets under his skin the way he’s rebriefed concerning the cold of winter, as if this right now isn’t the coldest he’s ever experienced. 

Coming here had been a little humourous, though. He’d arrived in November from the beginnings of winter in Colorado, so for him, things have been steadily getting colder since October. Still, the jump from Front Range cold to Antarctic Plateau cold involves nearly fifty Celsius degrees, culminating in a bitter chill that he feels creeping over his bones like permafrost. He’s acquainted with a mild-mannered relative of cold, so he thought he’d be prepared-- but there’s nothing that could have prepared him for a  _ warm summer day  _ so far below zero. 

On the last trip to McMurdo for additional gear and personal supplies, he receives a lot of unwanted attention for preparing to winter over. Plenty of worthy men have been undone by the Pole, he’s warned over and over again. And he’s been in  _ somewhat _ comfort since his undergrad days. Yeah, he grew up in relative poverty and he’s experienced a cold winter with inadequate heating or outerwear, but sometimes that feels like a debrided memory, a specimen kept in a jar on a shelf. 

He eats day-old chicken nuggets a fellow winter over researcher brings from a New Zealand McDonald’s before returning on the season’s final plane to the Pole. He dozes on the ride down, landing in modest sunshine at eleven at night. A skidding plane on the landing iceway is enough to wake him up and throw his heart out of whack, but experienced pilots make little of the situation by the time it even fully registers in the astronomer's brain. Still, he waits to deboard last so he can calm his nerves, then grabs all his shit and trudges back up the stairs to the station, looking forward to sinking into his bed after nearly twenty-four hours awake.

For seven months, he will be here and only here. He dreams of violently ripping blank pages from a wall calendar.

  
  


The first week is not so bad, with its rainbow twilight of varying shades throughout the day. On the first Thursday of the winter over, Levi gears up to make the short walk over to the telescope. He needs to make a quick check before dinner. Just as he’s about to tag himself out, someone down the hall quietly calls, “Doctor Ackerman!” 

Levi stops and turns, finding the research biologist trotting toward him. 

“Taking a stroll?” Doctor Smith inquires once he’s near enough. His Texas accent accentuates the teasing joke as he towers over Levi with a good grin on his striking face.

“You know, the weather is just so nice,” Levi deadpans in Northerner monotone, expressionless. His natural countenance doesn’t seem to bother Smith, so he doesn’t waste energy on an unnecessary façade. “You coming along again?”

“Only if you don’t mind.”

“As many times as you find me in the greenhouse, I don’t think I’m allowed to mind.”

Doctor Smith laughs openly and turns to head toward his berth, clearly not wanting to hold Levi up any longer than necessary. “I can grab my stuff and be back here in less than five.” 

“Okay,” Levi replies, then steps into the entrance area to wait. He’s eager to make his checks but the promise of companionship on the walk to the telescope is something worth stalling for. At the window, Levi gets a sneak peek of the beautiful goldens and dark pinks that fade into violet. The twilight is in full swing, painting every day in different varieties of an evening sky. It won’t last too much longer, so he enjoys stopping at windows often to soak up the last of the daylight before the single, six-month night earnestly begins.

Just like him, Smith has been here since November, but unlike Levi, it’s his seventh winter. In the bustle of a busy summer, Levi was only able to get to know Smith in small, pleasant, passing conversations. Now that fewer people vie for attention, the two researchers are drifting comfortably into one another’s orbit. 

Levi doesn’t know if this magnetism is a product of genuine interest on both sides or if this is a reflection of the isolation, outside forces pushing together people who would not normally congregate. He only knows which is true for himself. 

  
  



	2. February, fourth week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The intimacy of first name basis.

Levi has been in the reading room staring at the same page of a 1990’s best seller for close to ten minutes, his mind instead absorbed in itself. For whatever reason, he can’t get his childhood home, with all its neglectful imperfections, out of his head.

All those non-perishable memories keep creeping up on him. He shoos them away, content to trust the results of his psych evaluation promising him that he is all right. Still, two weeks into winter over and the twilight is leaving the animal parts of his brain… confused. All his life, day and night have been clearly bisected, even when one lasted longer than the other; here, the almost unchanging skyscape is nourishing confusions that make it hard to concentrate toward the end of the day. It feels something akin to the overloads he used to experience when he was studying. Taking a walk has always worked wonders in clearing his mind, so he quietly slots his bookmark, gets up, turns off the light, and wanders. The body leads on autopilot until he stops before an unsurprising door.

Smith takes care of the greenhouse in between his biology-related work. Levi likes to poke his head in or get a quick sit on the foyer sofa so that he can have some humidity during his workdays, and he will sometimes spy Smith prodding at some of the foliage using instruments with which Levi is unfamiliar. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), Levi finds himself alone in the greenhouse tonight.

The astronomer sinks down into the sofa and leans his head against the back of it, relishing the warm, moist air sweeping up through his sinuses. The tea in his thermos from this morning has long gone lukewarm, and he won’t boil more water until he’s drunk every drop he brewed earlier, so he settles for greenhouse air until he can inhale steam from his bedtime tea. Resources are limited here, and he adheres strictly to doing his part in preservation. 

Every participant in the program was authorised to bring a set amount of weight in personal possessions, so Levi had decided to spare himself a couple of pounds in good tea. He’s not posh about it, not necessarily, but he likes variety and he knows how to appreciate the taste of different brews. As his beverage of choice has come back into the mainstream spotlight, he’s been reaping the benefits that come along with a rise in popularity; mainly, he enjoys all the new, affordable supermarket blends popping up on the store shelves. After all, his degree is costing him a few pretty pennies, and he has not established himself in his field…

But he  _ will, _ he convinces himself _.  _ Levi  _ will _ establish and publish something extraordinary and receive recognition for contributing more than a carbon footprint to society. 

Hopefully…

It’s late enough in the evening that day crew have retired to their berths and night shifts are already working. For now, Levi is on days, so he should probably get to bed. He looks at his smartwatch and grits his teeth at the time. It’s not even ten at night, but he feels the pull of his sheets down to his bones, beckoning him to take off all this bulky clothing and slither around safely in the nude. Yet, that same desire for rest is keeping his ass on this sofa, and it’s easy to close his eyes for a minute or two. The soothing quiet, augmented only by the machinery heart churning electricity through the station, settles him. 

Idly, he thinks about charging his phone so he can put some music on it, that way he has something to break the silence now and then. The device is sitting on his desk, useless for its intentions, only serving to remind him how cut off this little pocket of American humanity is down here. His personal laptop has been providing him with scarce entertainment since his schedule evened out after the summer. Even though he works longer hours now, between his research and his janitorial tasks, there’s fewer people to take up his time with socialising so he relies on downloaded content to provide distractions. 

Just as he’s thinking of how much less socialising he must endure, the greenhouse foyer door opens and Smith stumbles in, wearing fuzzy grey moccasin slippers, standard issue Carhartt overalls, and an obviously ancient university t-shirt. For a moment, the two doctors only stare at each other in surprise. 

“Oh, Doctor Ackerman,” Smith recovers first. “How are you?”

“Fine. Getting some humidity.”

“I see.” As if reminded of the difference in air, Smith shuts the door. Suddenly, the foyer seems so much smaller, and not just because of the biologist’s bulk. Levi watches as he takes a clipboard from a hook next to the entrance of the growing room of the greenhouse, and then shakes it, saying, “Forgot to calculate averages for today.”

“Fun,” is all Levi manages. Smith’s hands are… distracting him, as massive as they are in comparison to regular sheets of paper. Stupid fucking confused animal brain. 

“Are you sure you’re fine, Doctor?” Smith comes closer, hovering near and giving Levi the sensation of being studied. 

“Yeah.” Looking up, Levi meets very close, very  _ blue _ eyes and snaps his mouth shut. He knows what Smith looks like but something about the way those eyes are appraising him makes his body shiver. 

“I’m glad.” Smith smiles and retreats a little. And like that, the spell is broken and Levi looks away as Smith politely extends an invitation to the clinic if Levi is feeling mentally unwell. “It’s better to catch early and treat than to wait for anything to get out of control. Especially here.”

“Yeah,” Levi says again, this time noncommittal. 

“Well,” Smith drawls like he’s got more to say, but in the end, he gestures to the clipboard that he came to retrieve and warmly smiles. “Better get this put in. Good night, Doctor.”

Levi returns the smile but not the parting, watching as Smith leaves, wanting to say something else just for the sake of saying it and keeping Smith here a moment more, but he doesn’t say anything and the door closes.

  
  


Before breakfast, Levi swings past the modest clinic and reads the hours posted on the door. He’ll come back later and talk to Smith, he decides, and turns to leave only to come face to face with the man himself. 

“Morning,” Smith says cheerily. “Did you want to be seen?”

“Oh, uh, no,” Levi fumbles in turn. “I, uh, was seeing when the walk-in hours are.”

Smith nods and moves toward the door, opening it and wedging under a triangular wooden block to keep it cracked. As he does so, he says, “Still, please drop by anytime, Doctor Ackerman—”

“Levi.”

Smith turns his focus from the door to the astronomer standing in front of him. Once more, Levi gets the sensation of being studied, so he stands steadfast and lets this man get a gander at him. There passes a good moment until Smith murmurs with appreciation, “Levi. What a lovely name.” Then, as he steps closer, continues, “Call me Erwin, please.”

“Erwin,” Levi repeats; because he doesn’t know how else to appropriately compliment the biologist, blurts, “I like that name.”

Doctor Erwin Smith shares one of those smiles that he’s always sporting. “Thanks. My mom picked it out for me.”

Before Levi can stop it, a single bark of laughter erupts right out of his throat at the terrible joke, and Erwin’s smile impossibly widens, which makes Levi’s heart beat with a little more force.

“You’re  _ awful.”  _ Levi doesn’t try to hide his amusement, although his usual blank expression pulls at the edges. 

“Not  _ too _ awful, I hope.” Erwin’s twinkling eyes detail his mirth, and Levi feels the need to look away from such open honesty. It feels too much like trespassing in those incredible blues. 

“You’re on thin ice,” Levi fires off with his own bad joke, to which Erwin lets his head fall back while he chuckles. 

After the air settles, Erwin clears his throat but doesn’t clear his pleased expression. He reaches out and grasps Levi’s shoulder, exclaiming, “Thank you, Levi. I needed a good laugh this morning.”

“Yeah.” Levi hopes Erwin can’t feel him shiver through his thick cable knit sweater. “No problem.”

Erwin squeezes the joint in a friendly gesture before he withdraws his hand, and Levi’s knees feel like jelly. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

“At lunch,” Levi agrees, taking a few steps backward so he can look at Erwin a little longer as Erwin looks right at him, before he turns and heads toward work. His tingling spine leaves him sharply aware of a lingering gaze. 

  
  



	3. March Equinox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin thinks of Levi when Levi forgets to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i decided to remove the "questionably ethical research" tag. it's not that erwin does anything bad; it's that i don't know if the research he's doing would be "ethical" as in "allowed." there's nothing dark in this fic except the south pole winter. hope that helps!

Levi jumps out of his skin at the groaning of an opening door. His reflexes calm within a moment because he knows that no one here at the station is a danger to him, but he can’t help being startled when the moment prior, he was so deep in thought. 

“Levi?” Someone— Erwin calls, a hint of expectation. 

The astronomer saves his progress before he forgets, answering with a half-attentive, “Yeah?”

Erwin is soon in his view, still completely geared up, not intending to stay here at the telescope for more than a minute. “Did you forget?”

Levi looks over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised. “Forget what?”

Erwin doesn’t look the least bit annoyed, but rather that he already anticipated Levi’s response. Those blue eyes notice everything, and contrary to the man’s often lighthearted attitude, Levi is beginning to understand the intelligence Erwin truly possesses. Not that Levi himself is a stupid person, but sometimes he gets a glimpse into Erwin below the smiling surface, and he feels very novice all of a sudden. This is a man who studies everything, thinks of everything, and then compartmentalises all that information away for later. But, for the most part, he is suspiciously kind to Levi, and Levi is starting to hope that the magnetism is mutual. 

“The sunset.”

Levi swears and rips his gaze to his watch, finding that there’s only ten minutes until the sun sets for the year. He jumps from his chair, assembling his gear in record time and making sure the telescope is okay for the night. It’s not that he’d forgotten tonight’s planned occasion; he’d simply gotten lost in his work, his head spinning through all the rotating galaxies he’s spent the entire day monitoring. 

“I don’t fucking have my camera,” he curses, joining Erwin at the door scant minutes later. Levi had meant to be done with his work in time to stroll back to his berth before meeting Erwin on the outside deck. 

“I have mine.” Erwin opens the door for them, and Levi groans at the biting, carnivorous air that whips up to meet him. 

On the horizon, the sun is as low as Levi has ever seen it in these last five months. Deep twilight encompasses them; for the first time the sky contains mostly dark blues, with only a little golden orange hanging very close to their solar system’s star. Together, the researchers descend onto the snow path that will lead them back to Amundsen-Scott, and Erwin motions with one hand while using the other to dig beneath his parka.

“Stand here, I’ll get a picture of you,” he says, pulling his camera from the safety of body warmth. Levi doesn’t fuss, he gets himself into position, stuffing his gloved hands into his coat pockets to take a neutral pose. It takes Erwin only a few second and Levi can hear the shutter snap in quick succession, and then Erwin is asking, “Selfie?”

“Uh.” But Levi doesn’t have any qualms with that. Erwin moves in next to him quickly, so that the sun is behind them both, throws his free arm over Levi’s shoulders, and then holds the camera out to snap a burst of pictures of them together. Only after the camera is placed back safely within Erwin’s parka does Levi ask, “You sure you want your only picture with the sunset to have me in it?”

“Yes,” comes the self-assured answer. Erwin looks to Levi, looks him in the eye in that uncanny, unwavering way, stating, “I believe good memories become better when shared with friends.”

“Alright... that’s cool then,” Levi responds, thanking the stars that his resting bitch face protects the inner pumping of his excited heart. Erwin thinks of them as  _ friends. _

They continue on the trek back to the station, Levi watching the sun disappear, watching the winter night descend down around them, watching with Erwin by his side.

After missing the satellite for nearly a week, Levi spends a good chunk of the evening of his day off in the computer room, tapping into the outside world through this little peek of very poor internet. The station doesn’t have wi-fi, so he sits with his personal laptop plugged into the hardline, lamenting the dial-up speeds as a movie downloads in the background of his other business. Even after he’s prodded all the nerve endings of civilisation and sent all of his correspondences, the movie is only partially downloaded, so he groans and rises with the intention of a short bathroom trip. 

On his way out of the bathrooms, he nearly runs face-first into Erwin, who stops suddenly as if he’s been running.

“There you are!” Erwin exclaims, his huge hand landing on Levi’s shoulder and squeezing.

“Here I am.” Levi doesn’t rush to break their contact, and Erwin doesn’t seem to be rushing either. It’s a welcomed bridge of connectivity. 

“Did you eat before I got to the galley?”

“No,” Levi drawls, then realises the implications of the questions, cursing, “Fuck. I missed dinner.”

“I figured you were distracted again.” Finally, Erwin’s hand falls away and he uses it to gesture for Levi to follow. “I asked Nanaba if you’d been through and she said no, so I’ve been looking for you. I saved you something to eat.”

It’s out of his mouth before Levi can take it back, a sincerely touched, “Really?”

“It’s probably cold but yes.” And with that, Erwin begins leading the way to the dining area, but Levi stops, causing him to turn around.

“I had my computer downloading stuff.”

“It’ll be fine. Come on.” Erwin motions with his hand once more, and Levi drops his resistance, following. Nanaba is by no means a tyrant when it comes to hot chow hours, but if there’s one thing Levi has learned in helping clean the galley, it’s that she prefers everyone eat on time, which allows her to shut down the kitchen at an appropriate hour so she can get off her feet. So the fact that she let Erwin save something extra impresses Levi.

When the two researchers enter, Nanaba is sitting by the corner window reading from a nondescript hardcover novel. Judging by the way she murmurs a greeting without looking lets Levi know that they are the only two expected at this hour (and a glance at the screens above the tables confirms that it is, indeed, a late hour). Around her, all the windows show the ever-darkening skyscape, and the scenery has yet to stop giving Levi a burst of anticipation bisected with anxiety and wonder. Since the sun finally set a few days ago, every time he looks outside he’s repeatedly confronted with the undeniable fact that the Antarctic winter is a single night long. For as much as he’s excited about experiencing this in full, every day he finds more uncertainty looming in his subconscious.

Erwin has left a covered plate on a table much further away from the station cook, and even when they sit, Levi keeps his voice down as he thanks Erwin for thinking about him.

“The only stipulation is that we clean up after ourselves.”

“She knows I know how to clean. Still, thanks.”

“No problem. I... was actually looking forward to eating with you,” Erwin confesses with a tiny, gentle upturn at the corner of his mouth. “So, I’m just glad that I can still spend a little time with you tonight.”

Levi finds himself exceedingly pleased by this sentiment, so in an effort to show that this magnetism pulls at them both, he promises, “I’ll try not to miss dinner again.” 

  
  



	4. April, first week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking across the line between responsibility and desire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for waiting through the sick break~

Levi keeps to his word  _ okay-- _ not great, not even consistently. Despite setting alarms on his watch, his punctuality doesn’t improve because he sometimes dismisses the chimes without realising when he’s too intently focused on a task for his own good. A few nights over the next week, he’s running to the galley at the tail end of dinner, finding Erwin waiting for him so that they can go through the line together. But those other times, when Levi completely loses track of the world, when he zones out and comes back to himself many minutes later, he’ll arrive at an empty space save for where Erwin and Nanaba are seated together, chatting, a covered plate for Levi off to Erwin’s side.

Tonight, Levi is particularly glad to have Nanaba with them. Over the last week or so, time has been passing in a blur, his mind hunkered down in an unproductive trench like when he would burn out in grad school. Try as he might to force some work out everyday, his success has been decreasing constantly. And due to that mental exhaustion, he’s not in a talkative mood, and he admits that it’s nice to hear someone else hold a conversation with Erwin, especially someone who knows him well. It turns out that Nanaba and Erwin served in the military together, a combat medic and a medical doctor respectively, and after Erwin got into working in Antarctica, convinced her to follow along. Levi learns that she is also a northerner, which helps explain how he’s been able to tolerate her more than most, and how they keep perfectly to themselves as they work together. Smith, on the other hand, is a bred, born, and raised Texas boy whose military time drug him through every “miserable” base like Drum or Wainwright. 

Nanaba takes particular offense to the slander of Fort Wainwright but it seems to be an old, friendly dissension between them, although neither go into much detail. He may bring that up to Erwin in private one day when he’s feeling bold about Erwin’s personal information. 

A few minutes before the satellite comes up, she excuses herself with, “I’m gonna go help Bird Dog in the big comms. I’ll see you in the morning, Erwin. Night, Levi.”

He nods back, having raised his thermos to sip at the freshly brewed tea. Levi listens as Erwin gives his own parting well wishes, watching the way Nanaba picks herself up out of her chair like it aches. This morning after breakfast while Levi cleaned, she’d been hobbling around the kitchen and rubbing her hips, so the sight of her continued struggle urges him to find out what’s wrong. Putting his thermos down, he asks, “You good?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she dismisses with a wave of her hand. “Just tired.” Without much more exchange, Levi watches her leave the galley with a gait speaking of half-hidden discomfort.

“Speaking of tired,” Erwin says slowly, measuring his words as he turns the entire of his attention to his companion. “You haven’t been yourself lately.”

Levi looks back at those intelligent blues and shrugs, rather deferring to a normal Antarctic winter complaint when he mutters, “It’s dark all day. Feels like I should be in bed.”

The demi-truth doesn’t stand a chance. Erwin is a little  _ too _ knowing when he asks, “Is that all?”

Bristling, Levi can feel himself shuttering up, closing off. Erwin seems to instantly understand everything that Levi doesn’t want to share, and he explains, “I’m concerned about you, Levi. You’ve been distant since the sunset in a way that makes me suspect the beginning of winter over syndrome, even more so because it  _ is _ your first winter. I would like to make sure you’re okay. Grant me a check up, to put my mind at ease?”

Not wanting to end this evening on a bad note, Levi acquiesces with hesitation. After all… Erwin is the station doctor, and he’s tasked with keeping everyone healthy until they can depart this all-consuming isolation. It would be unprofessional for Levi to prevent him from doing his job. “What kind of check up?”

Erwin’s eyes betray a surprised pleasure. “Vitals first,” he answers quickly, “then a look over your sleeping, eating, and exercise routine.” He pauses to regard Levi— always studying, always considering, then says, “I’m not a psychiatrist, if you’re worried about the shrink treatment.”

Levi  _ does _ feel better knowing that Erwin’s not trying to pry into his head, that Erwin won’t try to see all those contaminated memories, so he nods his agreement to give Erwin this peace of mind.

True to his word, Doctor Smith keeps the check-up strictly physical, prodding to see if Levi’s change in behaviour is caused by a change in body. They sit on the round stools, almost eye-to-eye, and discuss the matter. His vitals are all within normal, as well as his eating routine, but his sleeping and exercising schedules could use some improvement.

“Are you using your lamp?” Erwin asks, the final box to check.

“Yeah.”

“Here.” Erwin twirls his stool toward the drawers, opening the bottom one and rummaging around before pulling out a brand new pouch. “It’s an eye mask for sleeping. Try leaving your lamp on for an extra hour or two to see if it helps.”

“Okay.” When he takes the mask, his fingers brush over Erwin’s. 

“Getting regular exercise should help, too, if you make it a consistent part of your schedule. Even ten minutes in the weight room every morning has been known to have positive effects for other researchers.” 

Levi listens to Erwin’s professional voice, the gentle yet stern commanding quality that makes Levi want to do exactly what is advised. Extra lamp use, some exercise, it’s not that difficult to follow these directions and hopefully improve his mental state. 

“There’s another thing I want to ask,” Erwin drawls, Texas peeking out in his vowels, making his shift away from the Doctor Smith role apparent. “I think by now it’s no secret that I’m interested in you, both professionally and personally. So on a personal level, Levi, what can I do to help you?”

Levi’s doctorate hasn’t prepared him to analyse and navigate  _ this _ at the South Pole, so he’s a little dumbstruck, brows furrowing in question. “What do you mean?”

“Bonds of any form are necessary in promoting wellbeing.” Erwin offers a small smile. “I feel that the time I spend with you improves my wellbeing. What can I do, as me, not as your station doctor, to help you feel good?”

Erwin is sitting there looking so inviting, looking so trustworthy, that Levi doesn’t reconsider his words before he’s saying, “Hug me.”

The doctor’s expression shifts to a sort of soft surprise, the beginnings of pleasure painted in the curve of his lips. Levi bristles, recounting the fact that despite the welcoming attitudes that permeate the South Pole, no one touches him. Erwin may grasp his shoulder here and there, but that’s little more than a brief connection, and what Levi wants right now is to be  _ held.  _ He feels weak all of a sudden, remembering hateful threats from the head of a broken household regarding his adolescence hints… but in Erwin’s eyes, he sees an acceptance that illustrates a long awaited request, as if Erwin’s been waiting for Levi’s own magnetism to appear undeniably mutual. 

With great self-assured steadiness, Erwin’s hands find Levi’s body, gripping shoulders and slowly pulling the astronomer into a surprisingly strong bosom. Smith must have some substantial muscle hiding under all these protective layers of cotton and wool. Levi is looking up at Erwin, just as Erwin is looking right at him, as if he is trying to gauge every little response Levi presents in having his request granted. One of those large hands slides across Levi’s left shoulder and up the back of his neck, settling at the base of his skull as Erwin cradles Levi’s head right against his heart. Erwin’s other hand splays across the small of Levi’s back, effectively tucking Levi right up against him, flush with him, surrounded. 

Levi allows himself to be held for a moment before he tries to pull back, but Erwin does not give, using a little pressure to coax him back in place. 

“Stay right here a while,” Erwin whispers, creating a tight moment of intimacy that makes Levi suddenly, pristinely aware that he wants to  _ touch _ and be  _ touched by  _ Erwin a lot more than is work appropriate. This feeling of Erwin’s enormous hand on the back of his neck, the closeness of another body, hearing a human heart— this feels good, and Levi wants to feel this type of good with Erwin. 

“You don’t have to be perfect here,” Erwin murmurs, and Levi’s pretty sure a timid kiss is placed along his hairline. “If you were to feel overwhelmed by this place, no one would think you were weak for it.”

Levi responds by pressing his nose along Erwin’s sternum. 

“My first winter,” and like never before, Erwin seems less sure of himself, as if he cannot determine the outcome of sharing this with Levi, “I did terrible. I thought I was tough enough to push through anything, but this place had me undone by April. I was ashamed to be depressed, so I hid it, which caused even more damage not only to myself, but to my colleagues.”

This time, Levi is absolutely certain of the kiss above his ear. 

“Levi,” Erwin says, says the name so differently than before, like it tugs the yearning right through his mouth. “Please don’t hide this from me. Not just because it’s my job to look after you, but because I want to. Please allow me to.”

The hands on Levi’s body press in briefly before sliding to take his shoulders in their grip once more. Erwin’s  _ huge—  _ his thumbs press into the tails of Levi’s collarbones while his middle fingers span Levi’s entire shoulder blades, and Levi swallows at this acknowledgement of their difference in size. Being held by Erwin is akin to being in a cocoon, an embrace that offers protection and healing. He could allow this more, he thinks. He could let Erwin take care of him. 

Levi nods, then as he presses his forehead against Erwin’s throat, finds his voice. “Yeah. I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooh they touchin
> 
> ALSO on the after-posting read-through I realised how many times I used “improved” so please forgive me haha


	5. Mid-April

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pursue, corner, catch, and kiss.

The weight room sits above the big gym, so as Levi spends fifteen minutes doing curls, he watches Nanaba walking the perimeter of the gym below. At her side, Bird Dog towers, a silent companion soaking up her words. 

Mike Zacharias, as he is known outside of the close-knit South Pole circle, is also an astronomer, though he’s not on the forefront of research like he used to be. In fact, until Levi showed up, he was the man in charge of taking care of the telescope over the winter, so he had been the one to teach Levi the ropes as the summer crew emptied out. Levi remembers reading a fair share of Mike’s publishings in undergrad, and for a man who can write wonderfully descriptive passages that get the beauty of the universe understood, Mike is absurdly quiet. If he were younger than his mountain-man appearance suggests, Levi would call him shy, but that’s not the fitting description. Mike just doesn’t have much to say, and he’s not one to talk for the sake of making noise. With Levi caring for the telescope this winter, Mike is stationed in the big communications room as he knows more than just about anyone else, being a fifteen winter veteran. With the difference in duties, Levi rarely has reason to talk to Mike, but he kind of wishes he did.

Levi tries not to eavesdrop too much. After all, the couple is talking about what they’ll do after the winter is over, when they’re back in the northern hemisphere again. They talk about Hawaii and Yellowstone, and Levi tries not to listen, but he’s still listening as Bird Dog says, “I wanna take you to Scandinavia again.”

Nanaba’s short laughter floats up, bouncing off the gymnasium walls and into the weight room, carrying words that he  _ knows  _ are not for his ears.

In the surprise of her words, Levi drops the ten pound dumbbell right from his hand, causing it to  _ thunk  _ loudly on the weight room floor. He swears, trying to wrap his head around what he probably shouldn’t have heard, hearing Nanaba’s upward inquiry of “you good?” like background noise.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Levi belatedly answers. “Weight slipped.”

“Oh, Levi!” She calls as she recognises his voice. “I thought you were Erwin... Sorry, we’ll keep it down.”

He gets his hand around the dumbbell again and blows out a slow breath. So she knows that he heard her, and she thought he was Erwin, which Levi guesses must mean that Erwin is usually here in the mornings. Is that why he suggested morning routine weightlifting to Levi, another way to spend some time near one another? Goddammit, he’s too old to blush over something little like this. And yet, if Nanaba thought it was Erwin up here, that means Erwin must be privy to what she’d said…

Levi has to make a mental note of eventually asking about this. Seems like there are more and more questions building up in that little compartment in the corner of his mind.

Because Levi seems to have trouble opening his mouth sometimes. Even though he allowed himself to be held just several days ago, opening a line of communication that goes below the surface feels… more difficult. It’s stupid, he knows, to be afraid to talk to Erwin, especially because he  _ wants  _ to talk to the man, but for all of his accomplishments, he’s not prepared for intimacy in any form. Delving into the sea is mutual; if he dives into Erwin, Erwin will dive into him. He doesn’t know if he can handle someone making ripples in his still water. 

Being known, having his past, however sanitised, brought to knowledge… he’s hesitant.

Think of the devil— Doctor Smith opens the door, coming in just as Levi is wiping down everything he touched. They share a quiet exchange of “morning” while Erwin plugs his phone up to the stereo at one end of the small room. At the door to depart, Levi can’t help himself, turning partially so that he can admire Erwin while the man swipes through his music. He’s wearing a fitting pair of purple sport leggings, outlining muscles that Levi doesn’t need to know the name of to appreciate. They’re all big muscles, especially the calves and the ones at the front of Erwin’s thighs; a tight, semi-translucent white t-shirt shows off fluffy pecs, built shoulders, and arms corded like bridge supports. Levi’s so busy getting his eyeful that as he follows the muscles in that really gorgeous neck upward, he finds Erwin has been watching him the whole time. They stare at one another for what seems like minutes, and as soon as an all-too-knowing smile graces Erwin’s pink lips, Levi bristles and rushes out.

He stands right there in the hallway for a minute, licking up that mental image like sugar from his fingertips, only truly leaving after music starts bleeding through the door. 

  
  


Sometime later that day, Levi is reading and walking through the main downstairs corridor. Pacing has a way of helping him think because the movement of his blood reinvigorates his brain, and as he reviews his findings summary from the last couple months, something nags at his brain, demanding attention without revealing itself. 

From time to time, Levi stops and lets his mind wander, wondering at the problem he’s dug himself down into, contemplating how to solve this. Legitimately, Levi knows that he cannot find every answer that exists, but if he can begin to pave the way for future astronomers, then it’s worthwhile.

Some other researchers back stateside requested the telescope to be set for them, so this week, Levi has been in the station. He makes the journey over once a day to check on the instruments, but otherwise, he’s been tucked safely in Amundsen-Scott. The extra availability means he can put more time into chores. Later on today, he’s got lunch galley cleanup and then bathrooms to scrub. He stops at a window, pressing his face as close to the glass as possible without touching it, getting a view of the noontime night sky. 

Somewhere further down in the alpha corridor, a door opens and a meeting spills out. Levi hears Erwin before looking for him, a blonde crown above most others, but the problem gnawing on him doesn’t let him focus on Erwin for long, so he turns his gaze back to the starry sky. 

The clarity of constellations here at the South Pole still astounds him. Even after looking at satellite or space telescope photographs for over a decade, he finds that his own eyes graze a much more stellar view than a million pixels can capture. Somewhere up there, the answer Levi seeks is waiting patiently to be discovered...

Erwin wouldn’t understand much, if any, of Levi’s persistent little problem, but the astronomer finds himself longing to share it anyway. He wants to go to Erwin with his problem, not for a solution, but just to feel heard. Maybe it’s the isolation starting to get to him, or maybe he needs to use his sun lamp for longer than he’s been doing, or maybe if he keeps going to the weight room first thing in the morning then this feeling will ease; but for whatever reason, Levi feels an intense need to reach out and touch and talk, and his attentions are settled on the handsome Doctor Smith. 

In the background of Levi’s awareness, the chatter of the spilled-out meeting is moving further away, but a single pair of footfalls is approaching. Pulling his face back from the window, Levi sees Erwin coming to him, causing his startled heart to jump up his throat. 

“Levi,” Erwin says quietly, breaking into a light jog to close the distance between them in a matter of seconds. Instead of stopping at a respectable,  _ professional  _ arm's length, Erwin steps up against him, wrapping his arms around Levi’s frame and squeezing. Tensing in panic, Levi cranes his neck to see around Erwin, relaxing only when he finds them alone in the entire of the long hallway. Slowly, he reciprocates the embrace, his own arms encircling Erwin’s waist and his hands meeting at the small of the man’s back.

“Levi,” Erwin says again, squeezes again, too. More Texas whispers through the vowels. “How are you?”

“Fine.” Levi looks up, finds Erwin’s mouth to be so close, finds his need to reach out to be  _ just  _ barely within the power of his restraint, so he doesn’t stand up on his toes, but he does confess, “I’m trying to get through a problem.”

“Really?” The scientist within Erwin comes alive, a tangible excitement lighting aflame in his body wrapped around Levi. 

“Do you want to hear about it?”

Erwin squeezes him  _ again  _ and Levi might just lean up a little more if Erwin does  _ that  _ one more time. “I might not understand it, but of course I want to hear all about it. At lunch?”

“I have to clean after, but yeah, sure.”

“Good, good.” Erwin spends a few extra seconds analysing Levi again, and like a curious child pushing against the rules, he slowly, slowly squeezes. What little restraint Levi’s been managing slips and he reaches up, intending to press his mouth against a stubbled chin— something easy, something noncommittal. Lightning strikes in blue as Erwin treacherously tips his jaw down, catching Levi with his mouth. Neither of them close their eyes or break the contact, suspended there for two heartbeats until Levi eases back down from his tiptoes, and even then, they continue their stare down until Levi looks away, flustered beside himself.

“Hey,” Erwin whispers, then leans down properly, claiming the corner of Levi’s mouth with a gentle  _ smooching  _ sound. “Is this okay?”

Words fail him, so Levi nods once, a decisive movement carrying the weight until his voice returns. “Yeah… yeah. It’s okay.”

“Okay,” Erwin softly coos. “We can talk about this too at lunch, if you want.”

“Okay,” Levi agrees, meeting Erwin’s eyes, raising back up onto his toes. “Okay.” 


	6. Mid-April, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things are hard to talk about; they must still be spoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that “questionable research” issue comes up here. again, its nothing dark.

For two more minutes, they stand there together at the window, Erwin pressing Levi into the wall as they continue to trade pecking kisses, somewhat like teenagers due to Levi’s own shyness and inexperience. He keeps it chaste, keeping his mouth closed as he peppers little smooches upon the object of his affection, and he’s pleased with how Erwin catches the hint that he does not want to swap saliva at the moment. Honestly, Levi has had few interactions like this in his entire life, so he wants to  _ savour _ this novel feeling without rushing into the next level. As innocent as it is right now, the pounding of his excited heart is becoming overwhelming, so when Erwin plants a long, humming kiss on the curve where Levi’s jaw meets neck, the finality is welcomed.

Slowly Erwin draws back, but his hands remain, one on Levi’s side, the other sneakily resting between Levi’s turtleneck and nape. Levi looks up into those blue eyes and lulls his head back, stomach tightening to have Erwin cradle his skull eagerly. What more would Erwin be willing to hold? The astronomer doesn’t need to peer deeply to see all the tenderness bubbling up to Erwin’s surface, unable to be kept below the water. Is he himself so easy for Erwin to read? Probably not, he wistfully thinks.

Eventually, they do untangle and visit the galley. Erwin greets and speaks with clear jubilance the entire time, and Levi hangs back to secretly elate in his responsibility of that joy. As he looks through the small crew present and scattered around the tables, he wonders if people have worked it out yet. Over the summer, there had been rampant rumours concerning the pairing off of various parties, but since Levi had been too absorbed in his research, he’d missed out on that gossip, so he has no idea which people might be more keen to storytelling than others.

He’s fairly certain that Nanaba and Bird Dog have noticed Erwin and Levi’s orbit of one another by now, even though the pair hasn’t said anything to Levi about it. 

As they’ve gotten deeper into the winter, meal menus have gradually changed, and it’s to the point that Levi is not surprised to find that today’s lunch is without any fresh produce. The potatoes were the final casualties some time last week, but those have to be cooked before consumption anyway, so he doesn’t necessarily consider them fresh. What he misses most is the crunch of crisp green apples and the smush of nice, brown bananas; all the fruits and vegetables left at the station have been preserved in some way and are cooked before being served. There’s supposed to be a supply sled coming down, so maybe he’ll ask Nanaba if Bird Dog has an approximate time of arrival. Besides, it’ll be a real treat to have fresh supplies, even if nary a plant makes it down here. 

As soon as they’re seated at a two-chair table by a window, Erwin pries right in, asking, “Your problem, is it about what you’re already studying?”

Levi pulls the spoon from his mouth and chews the soft vegetables of his stew longer than usual-- it’s hard to swallow with the anxious lump in his throat. Despite  _ wanting  _ to go to Erwin with his persistent little problem and Erwin saying  _ he  _ wants to hear about it, Levi had sort of hoped that it would skate right under the radar somehow. He had maybe hoped to sway the conversation in a different direction, but Erwin is onto him. 

“It’s about what I’m studying,” Levi answers after he finally gets his stew down. Absentmindedly, he stirs his spoon around as he begins to lay out some of the surface details, trying to keep his descriptions in simplistic terms. He’s not expecting any helpful contributions from the biologist, but it would feel rude to dump complicated words in his unsuspecting lap. Levi skirts around the meat of his problem, pausing to allow questions, and when there come none, he serves the main course. The entire time, he has Erwin’s entire attention-- no glazed over, bored expression. His handsome face may twist into confusion here or there, but Levi takes that as a cue to break something down further. It reminds him of the freshmen lectures he ended up teaching during grad school, having to sometimes shatter young students’ perceived understanding of the cosmo. If he’s upended any of Erwin’s beliefs, Erwin doesn’t show it, instead focusing on Levi and nodding along. When Levi’s explained as much of his problem as he can stand to expose, Erwin hums and says, “I can see that it’s giving you much trouble.”

Erwin doesn’t give unsolicited advice or pretend to mentor Levi in finding the sought-after solution; he clearly knows  _ exactly _ how unqualified he is to be  _ telling  _ Levi anything about this. In a way, Levi appreciates that Erwin doesn’t try to talk like he understands, appreciates that Erwin can be confident even in the presence of his own glaring ignorances. 

Inside the back corner of Levi’s mind, steady hesitation drips away because now, Erwin feels like a good person to come to when he needs to talk himself in circles, knowing that he can spew tangled nonsense to a patiently listening ear.

Beneath the table, Erwin nudges his boot along Levi’s sneaker and with so many people around them, it feels like a pleasant substitute for holding hands.

As soon as he goes back into the kitchen to start clean up after the meal, Nanaba materialises beside him to say, “I like you two together.”

Bristling, Levi steps back and turns, facing her. She waves away his reaction with, “What? I know you heard me this morning. Now we can be in on each other’s secrets, eh? Although,” and she smirks, “neither will be secrets for long.”

Levi can’t keep his eyes from bouncing down to the front of her overalls before he pointedly looks away. “I’d prefer  _ mine _ stay that way.”

Nanaba makes a half-grimace in friendly humour. “You’re a recluse. And Erwin keeps to himself largely. You’re the only person he seeks out for leisure, so… good luck.”

Collecting up all his ruffled feathers, Levi rolls his sleeves and gets down to business taking his confused emotions out on the pots. But to be honest, Levi doesn’t feel like this is bargaining of any sort. It’s just Nanaba presenting him with the facts of their situations. Yeah, he’s noticed that Erwin may be friendly with everyone here, but he’s not the sort for one-on-one socialising— much the same as Levi. For both of them, their work takes a priority over individual crew relationships. Even when sharing the recreational spaces with others, Levi doesn’t engage more than an acquaintance might. In a station where many people have long, ongoing projects or observations, it’s not unusual for friendships to seem distant and afterthought. So Levi knows that Erwin’s steady companionship, the way they are beginning to always  _ be together _ during free time, is a clear indicator for their developing relationship.

“I know you have questions about this morning,” Nanaba offers after Levi finishes washing all the cooking articles. She’s mopping under the serving area. “Shoot.”

Levi shrugs, taking up the stacks of plates next. The food wastes have already been scraped away, so he plunges them into the rapidly cooling wash bin and sets to work before the water turns cold. Nearby, Nanaba’s mopping carries her through to the sinks.

“Are you scared of complications?” Levi finally asks her after the dishes are finished and he’s done wiping tables. After all, they’re in the most remote part of the planet, completely cut off from civilisation’s medical interventions-- surely the extreme conditions are deterrent enough, from the high altitude to the low temperature. All they have down here at Amundsen-Scott is a modest clinic meant for healthy prime adults, and Levi knows that mothers have  _ still  _ died under the care of advanced specialists. 

“Erwin has saved my life once already. I trust him,” Nanaba says with an infectious confidence that survivors carry. She believes in Doctor Smith’s capability and it makes Levi feel silly for doubting. 

His next question comes because he remembers the Antarctic briefings repeatedly prohibiting procreation. “Is this allowed?”

“Yeah, we have permission from the Foundation.” Nanaba hedges along the sentence. Slowly, she asks, “You don’t know about Erwin’s research?”

Levi feels guilt stab into his ribs. As absorbed as he’s been with his own problems, he hasn’t pried into what Erwin’s working on. It only takes a moment for Nanaba to correctly interpret his hesitant silence. She draws up, like she’s regretting saying anything at all about it, telling him that he should hear all of  _ that  _ from Erwin.

“A private company is paying me a few pretty pennies to safeguard some parts of this information for them,” Erwin says. Levi stands behind him in the computer room, late night communication ever dictated by the rise of the satellites. “I know you’ll be discreet about this.” 

Levi watches as Erwin attaches a document to an email and clicks send. A few meters away, Levi’s own laptop chimes with the receiving alert. 

“I will,” Levi promises, but doesn’t add anything else. He’s felt distant over the last few days since talking to Nanaba, and even now with Erwin within reach, Levi stands with his arms crossed over his chest and his words crisply clipped. He’s not  _ angry, _ not anything like that; there’s no logical reason for him to feel betrayed, not when Erwin owes no explanations of his work. If anything, Levi should be targeting his frustrations at the Foundation leaders that approved this case study-- but they’re not here, only Erwin is here. And besides; groundbreaking discoveries do not need permission of Levi’s  _ feelings _ to be underway.

“You’ll share your thoughts with me when you’re done?” It’s only a half-inquiry, with expectation laced in the Texas vowels. 

“Yeah,” Levi responds, northerner taciturn, a juxtaposition of friendliness. 

Erwin studies him, then steps up into Levi’s personal space and wraps him in a sturdy embrace. Allowing himself to be held feels good, and Levi instantly knows that he won’t be able to stay upset with Erwin in any capacity. But he won’t melt here, not so easily. Erwin is sharing the available ruminations of his research— a unique form of intimacy. Levi will not budge until he’s devoured that vulnerability whole, because he knows that once he melts, Erwin will eagerly drink him up, every last drop.

“When you’re ready, let’s have a heart-to-heart.” Erwin doesn’t release Levi, only pulling his head back enough to peer down at him. “We both have much to share, my dear.”

“I have a lot to ask you,” Levi agrees in a roundabout way. “And I’ll answer what you ask me.”

When Erwin smiles, it is lacking worry. He leans in and presses a chaste kiss to black hair, then rests their foreheads together, catching grey eyes with his blue. “I look forward to that.”

Levi feels like a heart-to-heart is potentially the precipice of their orbits colliding. Their blackhole will develop, hungry and needy, and they’ll be sucked up into one another with little hope for escape.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nanaba is going to become much more background now, as we focus on the eruri.


	7. May, first week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are easier than they seem.

With the help of his laptop’s built-in dictionary, Levi skims through Erwin’s research and pieces together a somewhat understood picture of his work. The next morning, Levi’s doing squats in the weightroom when Erwin arrives, and after a quiet exchange of morning well wishes, Levi fills the silence with, “I read it.”

“What’s your general opinion?”

Levi locks up tight for a second, his instinct to flee. Taking a deep breath, he exposes the naked truth of his emotional tangle, “I know you’re doing something good, and it’s clear that you enjoy your work, and I don’t know why I’m upset. Thanks for letting me read it though, I liked it.”

Erwin doesn’t seem to take Levi’s strange reaction personally. “Thank you.”

“And I think we should talk about us,” he blurts, unsatisfied with the way he feels himself receding. Because Levi likes Erwin, maybe likes him a lot, but it feels like his mind has been slowly shutting down over the last several weeks. He doesn’t feel like himself but he doesn’t exactly understand why.

“We can talk.” Erwin sounds calm, expectant but not entitled. “Whenever _you’re_ ready. There’s no rush. Let me know, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Suddenly not wanting to hang around and say anything stupid, Levi excuses himself from the weightroom in favour of the showers, hoping maybe some hot water will help him think clearly. 

Levi can’t understand his brain right now, the way he feels so detached from everyone and everything. Peeking into Smith’s research reminds him that there is more to Amundsen-Scott than an eternal night sky filled to the brim with magnificent heavens; everyone here has a role, this place is not just Levi alone with a telescope. He thinks about Nanaba and Bird Dog, offering their entire future’s balance for Erwin to immortalise in empirical data. Levi wants to understand how much trust is necessary in someone to want to take part in a case study on maternal and infant outcomes in extreme isolation, with limited nutrition and medical resources. Maybe it scares him, to think that Erwin is trustworthy enough for Levi to place his own life in the man’s hands. Is he afraid of _really_ getting to know Erwin and falling in love? Or is he more afraid to have Erwin find out who he is below his advanced degree and his thorough knowledge of the universe?

Levi’s few past relationships haven’t failed in a traditional way; rather, it was Levi’s devotion to his schooling and work that allowed distance to slowly eat away whatever attraction existed. Always, Levi has placed his academic pursuits in the highest priority, and even when he’s really liked someone, that hasn’t been enough to waver his attention. 

Indeed, Levi is afraid to do that same thing to Erwin. And maybe he’s afraid to finally get a taste of his own medicine and have Erwin ignore him in favour of research, too.

But what if they could work without this either-or ultimatum-- what if they could both prioritise their work, and both remain confident in their relationship?

Even though Levi acknowledges that they need to talk, over the next couple of weeks Erwin doesn’t push for that conversation to happen. The astronomer can tell that Erwin is waiting for Levi to approach their suspended appointment, the heart-to-heart that they both know they need to have. Neither of them seem to want to headrush into a committed relationship, and Levi’s comfortable with this slow orbit they have around one another right now. He’s not _so_ much younger than Erwin, his early thirties to Erwin’s late-thirties, but he feels so inexperienced in romantic ventures. For his entire childhood, his mother pushed his focus toward education; an internal unease with his adolescent attractions meant that Levi traded experimenting with boys for perfect exam scores. It’s not that he couldn’t have done both, he knows, but that was his form of coping: he buried his head in his studies and missed out on the prime years of his youth. Graduating high school into a recession made higher education into the end-all be-all of landing in any worthwhile career, and now here he stands. He doesn’t know what else to do but work.

But he still wishes that he’d allowed himself to dabble in dating more than a stray, half-formed relationship every few years. Then he wouldn’t feel so out-of-water as he attempts this affair with Erwin.

Levi doesn’t approach the heart-to-heart and yet Erwin doesn’t change his affections. He still comes and gets Levi when Levi forgets about hot chow, and he still waits for Levi so that they can eat together. Brushes his foot along Levi’s beneath the table. Embraces him in passing in the hallways, long moments with Levi’s ear against his heart. Kisses his hair and war-red cheeks and chastely pecks his lips. Erwin has confidence in his gentle pursuit.

Another movie night comes-- Levi has never seen _The Thing,_ and Erwin’s saved him a seat along the back row of folding chairs, the big gymnasium filled with the station crew and the alluring scent of buttery popcorn. The last couple times, Levi had sat off alone and to the side and left about halfway through the movies, so he feels pricklingly aware of both his proximity with Erwin’s body and his desire to remain right where he’s planted. Even though there is chattering here and there, the crew is respecting cinema rules, and the event is going along just like usual until Erwin comfortably crosses his left ankle over his right knee, lays his left arm over the back of Levi’s chair, and leans in.

Levi glances at Erwin, who unashamedly smiles at him, and then he relaxes into Erwin’s side, allowing himself to be drawn toward a steady beating heart. He can feel the man’s lifeblood pumping. It feels so good to be nestled like this.

After the film’s resolution, Levi’s fingers are unbearably greasy with the butter flavouring of the popcorn, and all throughout his quick stop at the bathroom to wash his hands, a yearning is compounding in his chest, wanting to be with Erwin a little bit longer. He flicks up his wrist as he gets the stubborn residue from his cuticles, finding it to be nearing midnight, wondering if it’s _too_ desperate to ask Erwin to hang around. He’s got to change some settings at the telescope before 2 a.m. as requested by a university in South Carolina, and that justifies staying awake instead of retiring to bed. 

“I’m gonna head to the telescope,” Levi says when he finds Erwin waiting in the empty alpha corridor for him. “Gotta move some stuff around.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” Smith asks permission, rather than voluntarily offering to accompany as usual. 

“If you want.” Try as he might to convey some nonchalance, which shouldn’t be difficult considering his northerner deadpan monotone, to his own ears it’s very obvious that he wants Erwin to go with him. At a time like this, he’s pleased that the biologist’s discernment fills the gap. 

Erwin reaches out and takes Levi’s left hand in his own right, squeezing gently. “I want that. I’d like to spend a little more time with you tonight.”

Having his own deep desire mirrored gives Levi a twist of fluttering pleasure in his gut. Ten minutes later, they’re geared up and descending the stairs from the station onto the ice path when Erwin says, “I brought my camera. When we get to the telescope, I’d like to photograph you with the stars.”

Levi looks up at him, expression questioning, but the lovestruck look on Erwin’s face makes him turn away, shrugging, “Sure.”

They cross only a few more steps before Erwin amusedly wonders, “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine.” Levi shrugs again, suddenly not knowing what to do with his gloved hands and stuffing them into his parka pockets. With the fur-lined hood pulled up, he can’t see the other man in his peripherals, so he startles a little when Erwin slides his arm around the crook of Levi’s elbow, linking them together. The close contact makes the trek a mutual effort, and with each meter they cover, Levi finds his heart in his throat, his brain brimming with too many confused, tangled thoughts. It seems his mouth doesn’t want to help his dignity, settling on a stray rumination and blurting, “I’m no good at this, you know.”

“I know. Neither am I,” Erwin answers immediately, taking Levi’s outburst in stride. 

Levi wants to say “you seem better than me” and move on, but he bites it back, and in the next second, Erwin begins to talk. He gets a few sentences in and then Levi’s brain lights up in a bright epiphany— they’re about to have the heart-to-heart.

And it’s… not actually bad. It’s not some deathly serious conversation like he feared. And he doesn’t stumble over a speech about his past. They comfortably trade information, laugh, and by the end of it, Levi wonders why he waited so long to get it over with. It’s agreed, they’ll continue allowing their orbits to pull them closer and closer, taking their time to unite because they are both devoted to their work, and it’s just like Levi hoped, that they both acknowledge their similar priorities.

“At the end of the winter,” Erwin says after everything, “I’m thinking about going on a long vacation. I want you to come with me.”

The invitation offers them time together off this harsh continent, so he readily accepts. Erwin smiles wider than Levi has ever seen, and finds his own happy excitement taking over and bursting into his expression.

It’s not his camera that Erwin uses when he takes a picture of Levi standing outside the telescope, but rather his mobile phone. Using a long exposure to get maximum star light, Erwin gets a close shot of Levi framed by a halo of the milky way and sets it as his phone wallpaper.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now they can get steamy :)


	8. May, June, July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The winter is deepest in the center.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i added the grey-ace tag last chapter b/c i am honestly not sure about levi... i hope this chapter doesn’t feel weird. levi is having a Hard time.

It’s becoming the morning usual for Levi and Erwin to share the weightroom before breakfast. Levi learns that Erwin will listen to just about any music, something he finds equally endearing and horrifying. The shuffled playlist unpredictably jumps from classical to country to something Levi thinks might be an anime opening to shout-singing popstars and everything in between. It’s impressive, Levi bemusedly acknowledges. His own tastes are on the more singular side. Sucking up these samples might just expand his palette.

Throughout all of college and grad school, Levi had been more of a runner than a weightlifting guy. The treadmills aren’t the same as putting sneakers on pavement, but the Pole is severely lacking in that infrastructure and Levi’s not too keen on freezing his toes by slipping around on the ice outside. When he’d arrived for the summer last year, the altitude combined with twice-daily hikes to the telescope had left his interest in extra exercise waning; Erwin motivates him to get back into it, not just for his body but for his mind. And Levi agrees that the burst of good feelings post-workout help heighten his mood, but something within himself still feels so off, so out of place, and  _ wrong.  _ Levi feels himself set adrift, getting lost more frequently in Antarctic stares that Erwin pulls him back from with the sound of his name.

The feeling of detachment persists, permeating every facet of his life. As much as he loves his work, the luster is dulling. Despite the beauty of looking up at the sky at any time of day and understanding by the constellations exactly where the Earth is on its relentless orbit, he finds himself marvelling less and less.

Of course, Erwin’s child-like awe for the stars never fails to get Levi’s heart beating, to the point that Levi suspects the man urges out explanations on purpose for some mental health benefit. Some afternoons, they’ll gear up just to stand out on the observation deck, their heads resting together, Levi holding one of Erwin’s hands within his own to better pinpoint distant suns. And maybe Erwin’s always asking for them to look at stars because it ends with him tugging down the scarf Levi protects his nose and mouth with and lavishing him with hot kisses. 

Levi definitely doesn’t complain. By that point in the day, he’s been stewing over mental snapshots of sweaty Erwin from their morning workout, so an…  _ outlet _ is always appreciated.

Because it doesn’t take long for Erwin to gratuitously strip down every morning right there where anyone could see. Levi’s also certain that the man’s muscle shirts are suspiciously shrinking, resembling crop tops by the end of May. And the size of Erwin’s tops doesn’t really matter when he’s constantly pulling them over his head and using them to blot up sweat. Levi’s stature as a runner means his body is on the leaner side, but Erwin is a weights man. The outlines of muscle groups on Levi are suggestions, but on  _ Erwin _ those same muscles are laws chiselled from stone. There’s a variety of time-consuming extra curriculars at Amundsen-Scott meant to keep stir-crazed cabin fever to a minimum, but Levi can thoroughly appreciate Erwin’s choice activity, especially with Smith being such a show-off.

Levi is a very intelligent man, but something about the dipping v-shape that tucks into Erwin’s second-skin leggings makes him… dumb. Dumb like staring and maybe letting his jaw hang loose dumb.

It’s not any insecurity that makes Levi keep his clothes on in the weightroom, because he rather likes the special attention Erwin watches him with in the sauna. Maybe he’s being a tease but he prefers to sweat in the buff, sitting on his towel and stretching out, letting the steam wash over every crook. Levi’s not daring— he only ventures into the sauna during the eleventh hour, when many other bathers have departed. Always, Erwin is in the upper righthand corner, so Levi will lay his towel on the bottom bench in the left side of the sauna, sit and spread his legs with a sigh of relief, lull his head back, and smile at the not-so-stifled groaning he hears.

It’s the second week of June, a Wednesday night after the sauna, and Levi’s smiling, self-satisfied in his cooldown shower when his name is called.

“Yeah?” He sounds back, alerting Erwin to his location. And just like that, Erwin is inviting himself into Levi’s stall, ducking under the cold water to take Levi’s lips in a kiss. Levi steps back, shoulders pressing into the tiles, arms reflexively looping around Erwin’s neck as Erwin swallows up his sounds of surprise. There’s teeth nipping at his jaw and he opens, offering his mouth, allowing a welcomed plunder. 

When their kissing comes to a contented end, Levi playfully shoves at Erwin’s shoulder without any meaningful force. “Get your own shower.”

Erwin half-hums, half-moans, setting his enormous hands on Levi’s waist and pulling them flush together again. “Why don’t we do our part and conserve some water?”

Levi chuckles and lets it be, enjoying the tight press of another body, the way it makes him feel more focused on the moment. Even for just a little while, that feeling of floating detachment is assuaged. It doesn’t feel sexually motivated, the way Erwin wants to squeeze into this shower stall alongside the astronomer— it feels natural, like a human thing that humans might do when operating in the ancient human brain, that lizard brain, the caveman brain that saw their earliest ancestors through immense hardship. There is value in physical intimacy, even in the absence of sex.

Levi looks up at Erwin, thinking about how much he knows about the man now, compared to a few months ago. His eccentric music tastes, how he really enjoys a good whiskey, how he got discharged from the military early. Like that he hates Fort Wainwright because he got divorced there. Like the story of how he saved Nanaba’s life. 

And Levi himself is known— fears, dislikes, the fractured childhood, the time he took a final exam drunk because he wrote down his schedule wrong, the fact that the chest freezer in the galley has tubs of his all-time favourite ice cream and he treats himself to a midnight snack  _ way _ too often.

“Levi,” Erwin murmurs gently, kissing his nose. “Come back to me, my love.”

Levi bristles for a second, coming back to reality. He’s becoming familiar with the sensation of snapping out of an Antarctic stare; he’s grateful that Erwin does not let him get lost for long, keeps him tethered. Erwin’s mass anchors Levi’s orbit.

Raising his hands up, Levi pushes Erwin’s dripping wet bangs back. “I’m here, Erwin.”

The Pole has culture and Levi learns even more about it at the Midwinter celebration on the June solstice. Traditional foods like sledging biscuits and pemmican get passed around on plates as someone pours fine scotch to wash away the aftertaste. If Levi went by the opinion of the rest of the crew, he’d think both types of little squares are awful, but honestly Levi can’t stop eating them. They’re really not bad— bland maybe, but not terrible (and actually sort of good but he’s not going to admit it). This is the food stuffs that the first expeditions relied on; because of biscuits and meats like these, ultimately, Antarctica was conquered.

The next ceremonial Pole marker is revealed and the winter over crew photograph is taken. Levi stands in front of Erwin for the picture, Erwin’s hand on his shoulder, a subtle tell of their attachment that will go up on the wall in the alpha corridor next to the dozens of other crew photographs. In private later that night, Erwin gifts Levi an Antarctica flag, explaining that Levi has every right to call himself a true hibernator now.

Shyly, Levi tugs on the straps of Erwin’s overalls and brings him into a tender thank-you kiss. 

“I want to be in your bed,” he whispers, surprising himself, feeling his ears burning. Instead of recanting in embarrassment, he embraces it, giving in to his animal brain, the desire to feel Erwin’s body, to be close together for a long time. “I want to sleep beside you.”

“Levi,” Erwin murmurs, carnal want sparking through his expression but the biologist knows Levi is not asking for  _ that, _ not right now. Composing himself, he answers, “Yes,  _ yes, _ my love. I want that, I want you beside me.”

From here on out, the nights are numbered. Daylight will make her return. Levi should be glad, but he’s overwhelmed by an insidious, twisting, gnarling revelation— it is  _ only _ the solstice and he is  _ only _ spinning at the midpoint of this one long night. He must spend this same amount of time in darkness once more before the morning breaks.

When the satellite rises, Levi sends out a review of his work thus far and a solicitation for ideas. After losing too much time to this developing depression, he’s finally getting this overdue summary sent out. 

It’s the winter that’s got him feeling all out of whack. He’d finished undergrad summa cum laude. He’d managed to thrive in graduate school when many of his colleagues found the intense environment to be too much to handle. He is strong and intelligent and he tells himself that this languishing in darkness is a product of the Pole. Erwin had promised him months ago that no one would think him weak, not here, and as Levi finds the station crew slipping into varying degrees of winter over syndrome alongside him, he finds comfort in those words. Even bubbly, smiling Erwin seems to be feeling the effects, small incidents of absentmindedness. 

A college senior answers Levi’s summary with frightening excitement, pointing out that Levi’s research is the topic of her thesis and eventually detailing that she’s been accepted to the summer program at Amundsen-Scott. He doesn’t know how to reply so he leaves it, but… he’s glad to see his work is being received well. In January, he would have fallen out of his chair reading this email, but it is now the depths of winter.

Closing and disconnecting his personal laptop, Levi walks the empty halls to his berth. He finds Erwin in his bed and takes up his place as the big spoon. Despite the late hour, he does not expect sleep to come easy. It’s been harder to meaningfully rest lately.

It’s July already, he tells himself. The sun rises at the September equinox, which means the beginning of twilight cannot be far away. Just a little longer, and he’ll feel like himself again. And just a little longer after the sun rises, the summer crews will arrive. And after the summer crews start to arrive, he and Erwin will go on a long vacation together. Levi latches onto a fantasy of hot beaches and ocean breezes.

He can make it. He can do it.

  
  



	9. August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night is darkest before the dawn; but--

The reading room has a shelf filled with travel books and that section is proving quite popular as the crew begins to look forward to escaping the station after a year. When Levi had first arrived, he’d needed a few go-arounds to get oriented with the layout of the two-story building and all its nooks and crannies, and at the time he couldn’t fathom feeling as profoundly  _ done _ with this place as he feels now.

He and Erwin are poured over a world atlas, trying to determine where on Earth they want to go before narrowing down to a pinpoint destination. In years past, Erwin’s never had another person whose comforts need to be taken into account, so he’s always showed up in New Zealand, dumped his gear with the Foundation, and jetsetted on whatever airfare was cheapest or most interesting.

“Sounds fun,” Levi muses, looking over Maldives on his way to Southeast Asia. “Where all’s that taken you?”

“Usually Sydney first. Sometimes I’d end up in Japan, sometimes Hong Kong.” Erwin points to Australia, then drags his finger up to the United Kingdom. “Took the non-stop to London once on that big, beautiful Qantas Dreamliner.”

“What’s London like?” Levi’s never been there. He attended a seminar in France once in undergrad and a pair of brief, two-week studies abroad in Chile and the Canary Islands for their astounding telescopes, but his travels came to an abrupt halt when he decided on an advanced degree. It would be nice to see some new places and frankly, he’s earned it after being cooped up here for a year.

“Stuffy,” Erwin laughs. “I only stayed for a couple days, then went to see my Mama in Houston.”

“I’ve driven through Houston before, but that’s about it.”

“Maybe we saw each other once,” Erwin hums, leaning down to rest his forehead on Levi’s shoulder. 

“Maybe.” Levi feels warmed by the romantic notion and turns to kiss blonde bangs. 

“I could take you to Houston,” Erwin drawls, low and slow, tentative. “Show you my hometown. Introduce you to my mother. Take you to the beach and we can lay out in the sun until we’re so burnt that we can’t move.”

Having a nice November vacation on the Gulf Coast doesn’t sound too bad, warm without being stiflingly hot. On the atlas, Levi slides his hand over to the UK, slipping his fingers through Erwin’s, interlocking them. He murmurs, “You could feed me some of that barbeque I’m always hearing you talk about.”

“I could,” Erwin agrees, a brightness in his tone that tells Levi the man is smiling. “We could do that, my love.”

“Yeah,” Levi murmurs. 

Levi flirts with light slumber but by four in the morning, he feels the ability to sleep slipping through his fingers. Some time in the night Erwin must have gotten back, because he’s crowding Levi against the wall, one massive leg thrown possessively over him, a muscular thigh cushioned on Levi’s ass. Instead of getting up, he wants to sink down into this embrace and give sleep one more chance. He allows himself to try.

Unfortunately, just as his mind is unravelling like a spool of ribbon in the winds of a dream, Erwin’s radio buzzes something incomprehensible and the ensuing tousle brings Levi right back to consciousness. He rolls over in bed, watching through one cracked eye as Erwin slides up his overalls and throws an old university ROTC sweatshirt on top before using his phone flashlight to rummage around on his desk. Erwin grabs hold of his laptop and then turns toward the door, stops, comes back to kiss Levi’s ear, and then he’s gone.

Levi lays there, listening to Erwin’s footsteps as he disappears from the berthing area. He’s drowsy, and maybe if he kept laying here he’d eventually get a few more winks, but knowing  _ what _ is taking Erwin repeatedly from their bed makes him restless. Slowly, he sits up and clicks on the lamp. 

The first glimpses of sunlight will, according to the giddiness rippling through the veteran crew, grace them in a few weeks with the twilight’s return. It’s strange to think that he’s coming up the other side from the valley of a long, dark winter in the cruelest climate on Earth— it doesn’t feel  _ that long, _ it feels like it’s been just a couple of weeks. Though, maybe he doesn’t want it to have been that long because his productivity has been shot. It feels like he should have been able to get so much more done being isolated for half a year with minimal distractions.  _ Hibernation, _ Erwin called it, even though humans don’t truly hibernate. They don’t curl up in their dens with their families and sleep, their bodies running off fat stores amassed in the summer and autumn, their heart rates dropping bottom barrel low, all but dead to the world. But it’s somehow true, that Levi’s brain has been refiguring, compensating, adrift and half-asleep in the lack of natural sunlight to stimulate his body. Time feels almost lost, and in a way it actually _ is _ because it’s now the past. He is in the second half of winter and the winter is most wicked right before the dawn, like a black hole that might curve light into its gaping maw.

As he trudges along this final stretch, there are points where Levi feels like he’s sleepwalking through the day, looking forward only to climbing between these sheets and wrapping his body around his lover, half-lucid sanguine comforts. The Antarctic Plateau might swallow him whole if not for Erwin’s mass drawing him into their mutual, circling orbits. The teeth of unforgiving winter are gnashing, time limited in the coming sunrise and higher temperatures and relief from isolation.

It feels like he’ll be waking in a springtime promised land. 

And how fitting that one more soul join the station in the spring like this. 

Levi hopes for Nanaba’s sake that this is finally the real deal. Erwin’s been figuratively on-call since the first stretches of false labour began ten days ago. 

From the floor, Levi retrieves his flannel pajama bottoms and slips them on, tucking his feet into Erwin’s fuzzy moccasins for a quick trip to the bathrooms. While there, he debates getting a snack from the galley, deciding he’ll run an extra mile on the treadmill to make up for it.

No one is usually up here at four-thirty, but the galley lights are on when Levi pushes through the door. Immediately, his eyes are drawn to Bird Dog sitting at one of the middle tables, an empty glass before him. They silently nod to one another.

Levi makes his way to his favourite chest freezer, sliding over the glass top and pulling out a half-gallon of ice cream. He takes it to the kitchen where he grabs a bowl and scoops in his serving, before putting the carton back where it belongs. The whole while, he contemplates sitting with Bird Dog, yet... he’s not sure if the father-to-be wants to be alone. In the end, he doesn’t have to decide; Erwin arrives and calls him over.

“Eight false starts,” Erwin declares, “but this is the real deal.”

Bird Dog nods, relaxed, content.

“Are you… delivering?” Levi asks clumsily, not really knowing how to get his question across. Not sure if he can be asking this kind of thing.

Beside him, Bird Dog chuckles, “That woman don’t need no help.”

“He’s right,” Erwin agrees. “I’ll be there to observe and record, but she wants to do this all for herself.”

Levi’s a little green with poorly concealed horror, thinking how much he would hate to be alone and in pain, especially pain constantly equated as the worst thing possible to feel.

“Don’t worry.” The soon-to-be father knocks Levi’s shoulder. “No one’s gonna die.”

Levi smushes his spoon into his ice cream and nods along.

By dinner that night, some eighteen hours later, the whole station is overflowing in happy relaxation, talking about babies and children and all things family sphere. Erwin still hasn’t totally resurfaced from whatever he’s doing and Levi isn’t really in a rush to go find him— in a way, he’s enjoying that Erwin is having such a big day for his research. 

Levi doesn’t feel the need to pull himself into the center of Erwin’s solar system right now; he’s content to take a big loop, the Pluto of his star for a moment, enjoying the edges of light’s reach. From this position, he can see in through the way everyone else is moving. A few times, he is Bennu skittering close to Earth-- seeing Erwin at the other end of the hallway or in passing, both of them heading in different directions. Erwin does not let him walk by without brushing his fingers along Levi’s throat and lifting his chin to bestow a kiss. One busy day turns into a few more even busier days, divided by quiet evenings in Levi’s berth, exhausted chatter and comfortably weighted sleep.

Over the next week, Erwin takes his meals with Levi and tucks into bed with Levi, but other than those smattered moments, he is dedicated to his tasks at hand. Levi doesn’t know what Erwin’s research requires, or what all must be measured to summarise healthy outcomes, but he thinks it must be a lot since it’s a case study. And it’s fine; it’s nice to see Erwin alive with the thrill of his work. Levi’s actually glad that he doesn’t feel slighted by these last handfuls of days, that he can be comfortable taking a backseat to Erwin’s attentions being focused elsewhere, especially because Erwin has so patiently allowed Levi to focus on his work when he needed to. 

By the end of the second week, Levi is running on the treadmill, watching Nanaba walk the perimeter of the big gymnasium, the newborn bundled up against her chest in a sling. He tries not to stare at how mobile she is, getting in her laps with what looks like ease. All he can think is that the data will probably look really great in Erwin’s publishing.

And he  _ wants _ it to look great for Erwin, because Levi himself just submitted a series of predictions and his equation that enabled him to make those estimates, and now his email inbox is bursting with attention.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi got his big breakthrough after all :)


	10. Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \--when dawn breaks, that darkness seems so suddenly distant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, for the kudos, bookmarks, and many kind comments <3

Levi doesn’t forget about the sunrise this time. It’s almost ten-thirty at night when he’s out on the path to the telescope with Erwin, scoping out the return of true daylight. This time, Levi doesn’t question his place next to Erwin in their picture, doesn’t hesitate to accept Erwin’s kiss, affection haloed by their burning star and captured in pixels.

The return of bright sunshine is immediate. After such a long winter, the rainbow-tinted twilight felt like it lasted but a breath, and now there is light everytime Levi pokes his head outside. After the winter’s persistent darkness-induced slumber, the eternal sunshine of spring has his system in overdrove. His hunger awakens, his numbness begins to thaw; his emotional extremities are tingling with that white noise sensation, coming alive.

He uses this energy increase to get through piles of correspondence regarding his neutron star predictions, finding an increasing number of back-and-forth emails with the undergrad student from before, the one that emailed after he pushed out a scatterbrained summary of his findings, the one who said she’d been accepted at Amundsen-Scott for the summer. Levi also goes back through his inbox, peruses previous emails from over the depths of winter, taking them in with new eyes and new appreciation. Words that meant very little when his mind was entrenched in hibernation now elicit pleased smiles and bubble over into motivation that snowballs until he’s got a tidy inbox. 

Of course, productivity is not the _only_ thing for which he uses this energy.

Levi finds himself much more famished for Erwin’s touches-- not to make up for the sunlight now, but rather like _because_ of it. And Erwin, who’s been so easy going over these last several months, is more than willing to accommodate his partner’s increased desire for physical touch. 

Embraces that used to soothe Levi now excite him, make him want to press his body against Erwin’s and find some friction, and Levi knows that Erwin wants it, too. Whenever they have a smidgen of privacy in the communal areas, Erwin slips one of his legs between Levi’s, sliding his enormous hands down Levi’s spine to grope his ass, pulling Levi closer with encouragement. It’s all hot spitty lips and badly suppressed gasps, heated moments all throughout the day, all culminating into a resolution in his room later in the night, Erwin on his knees to coax Levi’s bliss along until a quasar bursts from his chest and all he can see is bright, bright light.

The isolation is broken in the second week of October with a resupply plane. Having a few new people in the station gives everyone the giddy realisation that winter is over, finally. From here on out, flights will increase, taking researchers out and bringing researchers in, exchanging the weary for the fresh-faced. 

Levi stands out on the observation deck and watches the deplaning of the first shipment of summer crew. He’s been alone all day, Erwin busy with the Zacharias trio as the three of them will be catching this LC-130 back to civilisation. There’s laughter bouncing over the ice as a whole dozen of them cheer their arrival. Just a year ago, Levi was in their position, yet he knows they won’t be here for an entire turn of the calendar, they’ll all be gone back home by February. He himself should’ve been back in the states eight months ago, but his winter over extension, while unexpected, is one of the best things he ever did for two extremely good reasons.

One of the fresh summer scientists is bounding with purpose toward the station, and when he waves, she waves back and rushes up the staircase.

“Doctor Ackerman!” Petra Ral breathlessly exclaims, thrusting her gloved hand forward. “It’s so good to meet you in person!”

Her jubilant mood hits him like an electromagnetic wave. He shakes her hand and welcomes her to the Pole.

Later that evening, Levi helps Erwin put the greenhouse back in order after its spring cleaning, and then they go to the galley for a drink. A replacement station physician arrived today with the others, and the Zacharias family left for home, so Erwin is effectively off-duty until he and Levi depart Amundsen-Scott the week after next. Levi’s still got to care for the telescope until his own replacement comes in five days so he’s not off the hook yet, but it doesn’t hurt to celebrate with his partner.

“Job well done, doctor,” Levi toasts quietly, clinking the rims of their glasses together.

“You as well. Cheers to spring.” Erwin sips, looking a little forlorn. 

Levi understands that nagging, lingering sadness. Their time here is limited, the days numbered. They’ll travel together from New Zealand, taking a bit of a detour weekend around Sydney before heading for the states. Loose plans are in place for Houston, but come December lies the unknown expanse of _after,_ like the space between galaxies. After Antarctica, after their daily routine, after their nights sharing one bed. Back to reality and the real world.

Levi is going back to Denver when the vacation ends. He’s grateful for his year here but he’s not taking another winter over, not so soon. Maybe in a year or two, when he’s prepared for the excruciating trench that is five months of total darkness. And that’s something he marvels about Erwin, spending almost an entire decade in this environment and somehow keeping his spirits up. Tonight’s melancholy is new on him.

“Levi,” Erwin says, setting his glass down. He reaches across the table and slips his fingertips beneath the sleeve of the astronomer’s sweater. 

“Erwin,” he replies, opening his hand in the offering of contact, pleased when Erwin twines their fingers. Levi can feel the heaviness pass between them.

“What’s the drive between Denver and Colorado Springs like?”

Levi swallows, a little surprised by the question, having expected something more serious. He shrugs, “It’s fine, I guess. I only really did the drive a few times.”

“It’s a straight shot down interstate twenty-five according to the map.”

“Yeah, over a couple big hills. Cell signal sucks the whole way, I remember that.”

“Is it too much for a frequent commute?” Erwin asks, and there’s a hopefulness choking on his vowels, it makes Levi tense.

“You,” he starts, but he doesn’t get to finish.

“You know I was in the army,” Erwin says. “And Springs has a couple military bases, plus the air force academy. They’ve all got clinics and hospitals that need staffing.”

Levi nods, feeling radio waves that originate in the expanse of _after_ bouncing around in his head, well-received.

“I’m moving there,” Erwin measures out his admission, “in January.”

Something clicks inside of Levi, and he can feel the biologist studying him when he ducks his head down, willing the tears not to fall, but when he raises his head they slide down his cheeks in big drops. Erwin looks faintly alarmed and Levi himself isn’t entirely sure at his own emotional response. He _never_ cries, but something about this announcement at the end of the winter he’s just had-- it’s the final straw and the dam bursts, flooding over him as he’s smiling a little stupidly, hurrying to wipe his face with his free hand.

Erwin cups his cheek, his thumb helping clear some of the tears. “Is that okay, Levi?”

Levi nods, words failing him momentarily. Hands move and then Erwin’s cradling Levi’s skull in both hands, holding him together as he tries to get his crying under control. It’s so much, it all feels like so _fucking_ much has happened to him in twleve months: the darkness, the discoveries, the uncertainties, the embraces, the kisses, the isolation; but he’s glad for it all. He’s glad for it all because it has brought him this wonderful man.

“I found you, Levi,” Erwin whispers, leaning over the table and kissing his partner’s blubbering lips. “I want to work for this. I want _us.”_

“Yes,” Levi agrees, watery happiness soaking the collar of his sweater. They feel the same.

“Oh, my dear,” Erwin coos, touching their foreheads together, patiently holding him and letting the intensity of his emotional outbreak decay. Because Erwin understands him, knows him better than anyone else now; he surely knows that Levi is bursting with elation, with relief, with _love,_ with love _for Erwin._ And _yes,_ that’s it, and he can feel the _rightness_ of this discovery within himself and he feels content to bask in its glow.

When he finally gets a handle on himself, Levi smiles and wipes his eyes. “I guess I’d better introduce you to my mom, too, huh?”

“I’d like that.” Erwin looks at him, blue eyes shining, smitten.

“Show you the Front Range and its fine cuisine.”

Erwin gives his toothiest grin. “Absolutely. I wanna try some Rocky Mountain oysters.”

Levi snorts at the joke, another small tear escaping the corner of his eye but Erwin catches it before it can leave its trail. With leisurely pace, Levi comes down, and then they drink and talk about their upcoming vacation, about how much they miss fast food and fresh fruit, time passing unnoticed in the comfort of one another until Levi’s smartwatch pings with a midnight reminder.

“I gotta change some stuff at the telescope,” Levi says, rising, one of his hands still captive in Erwin’s grasp, their fingers laced. They’ve got a sturdy hold on each other. “Accompany me?”

Erwin brings Levi’s palm up to his mouth, and after bestowing a kiss, says, “Always.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that Erwin and Levi really do stick together forever after this.


End file.
